Casting the remake of Faster Pussycat, Kill! Kill!

General Chang and Chad Newsome were over at the apartment tonight working off last night's adventures and keeping me company since I'm ill and indisposed. It was the General's first time over since he relocated last summer and he was admiring the fine Jenn Lloyd pen and ink art which hangs upon my wall:

I mentioned to him Jenn had started doing drawings for an eventual painting of Tura Satana for me, but I requested she stop because in my current situation I didn't want to be obligated for a painting I wasn't sure I could afford at the moment. The General and Chad were unfamiliar with the name Tura, which resulted in an immediate viewing of Russ Meyer's classic Faster Pussycat, Kill! Kill!

Jenn Lloyd's pen and ink of Tura

Chad seemed to deeply appreciate the art of it all, though its impact was perhaps not as deeply impressed upon the General's psyche. He is a tougher nut, truth be told. However, that led me to lead them into one of my favorite parlor games- "Whom to cast in the Tarantino remake of Faster Pussycat, Kill, Kill!"?

The rumors of Tarantino wanting to do this remake have been around for years. Satana herself validated them before her recent death, but when I asked the director the question point blank a couple of years ago during a Q & A at the premiere of "Inglorious Basterds" at the Castro, he scoffed and dismissed the entire thing as poppycock. I thought his response disingenuous at the time and still do.

Too bad he feels this way about it, because it would be a cinematic match made in some sort of a perverted heaven.

The General and Chad are of a younger generation than I. In fact, they are young enough to be sons of mine though we never discuss such uncomfortable scenarios. Because of the age difference, playing this game with them, since they have a different perspective on who is "hot" as far as contemporary actresses goes, seemed like good sport to me. I didn't expect them to throw out the obvious choices for the Darla role that I would prefer- Rosario Dawson or Monica Bellucci being first and foremost. But perhaps you can understand my dismay and disappointment when I learned neither of them knew of Asia Argento, whom I think would make a perfect Darla for their generation, if not my own.

We bantered about a few names to fill the nasty, violent and sexy triumvirate of the lead Pussycats. Scarlett Johansson was mentioned, as was Eliza Dushku and Megan Fox, though the latter seemingly the most implausibly plastic and fake of the lot. I kept the idea of casting Britney Spears as Billie to myself, though I have to admit I think it would be the most brilliant casting ever.

Imagine my surprise when we settled upon a trio closer to my age than theirs: Christina Hendricks taking over from Satana as Darla; Kim Kardashian taking over for Haji as a whole lotta Rosie; and Battlestar Galactica's Tricia Helfer as Billie. In praise of older women? Absolutely. But then I could have told Chang and Newsome this would be the case all along, as long as one was looking for satisfaction- not cheap thrills.

And believe me, if a studio could get Tarantino to remake the film with this cast? The box office from the remakes of Charlie's Angels would look like chump change. Just sayin'.